Help

I need help, help because I’m nowhere and help because I’m a fu*$ing mess and have no idea how to take care of myself, I need help because in my years of being alive I’ve managed to accomplish just about nothing, I need help because the only thing saving me is a book, a 378 paged story that is different for every person but for me its about being what’s keeping me balanced. And I know a book is a small, stupid thing to keep your whole life balanced on, but it’s the only thing that makes sense to me. I need help not only because of the book thing but also, I need help because my family is dysfunctional and all the while I am smiling, I am smiling at the fact that things might get better that I might have a shot at redemption, because I feel empty, an empty hole that needs to be filled with whatever to get me to hang on a little longer, but I still lie down starring at my ceiling feeling, awake... but not in an “awake” kind of way... in a sad empty kind of way.